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Chi-Wai's Big Chop

Please Help Me
Reach My Goal

Raised

$4,145

My Goal

$1,000

Select amount to donate

$30
Can help provide education supplies to a child experiencing financial hardship
$58
Can help fund a wig for a child experiencing medical hair loss
$93
Can help cover therapy costs for a child in need
$128
Can help fund mobility equipment for a child living with a disability

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skrillex sent me a cease-and-desist

yeah it's about time

evven though i'm merely masquerading as a reject-shop version of skrillex, OWSLA was unhappy and sent me a c&d... so instead, i'm planning to go into my 30's as Walter White, but without the paraphernalia because i am a law abiding citizen. might as well donate the hair, let someone else be skrillex for a change ;)

i've gone with the children’s charity Variety - they support supports kids who are sick, disadvantaged or living with a disability. the hair will go into some sort of wig to someone who has lost their's; the funds will go to kids in need.

slide a dollar or two this way if you can - i'll love youse even if it's a stick of gum and a firm handshake, but the AUD transports better across commercial frameworks. whatever little helps :)

thanks for your support,
luv yas,
"skillex" (the chi-nese knockoff version)

My Updates

p.s.

Tuesday 26th Mar
i wasn't kidding when i said i looked like a testicle - my head even has a goddamn vein like how an epididymus does. my only saving grace is that gonads don't usually have goatees, so i'll use that argument if anybody mistakes my head for a component of the male reproductive system.

- chi.

finale :)

Tuesday 26th Mar
now that i look like a testicle, i thought it would be apt to make one last shitpost before i sign off.

in this particular trashpost, i decided to accompany the hair with a handwritten letter, explaining to the recipient where their hair comes from, like it was small-batch single-origin coffee or sumshit. here are the contents of the letter below.
__________

"Dear Recipient,
I thought I'd write a note to whomever receives this - whether it be the person who opens the envelope first orperhaps the person who receives the wig. Not for anything in particular, but maybe for your trivia. Plus, it feels more right to accompany an envelope containing human hair with a letter - just in case; context helps if it falls into the wrong hands.

"Please find enclosed 4x plaits of heavy-gauge, straight, black, organic, male hair. The longest plait is roughly 80cm long, while the longest strand recorded was 90cm (while it was still attached). It took around 4.5 years to grow to this point.

"I would love to say the hair is from a free-range person, but that wouldn't be accurate. In actuality, the hair comes from a person previosuly raised in the green pastures of the Hills, but now resides in the lower north shore like a battery chook. This chook is a 30y/o Southern Chinese breed, which exhibits remarkable hair growth at 16mm per month at a heavy-set 5.5mg per metre strand. The hair is, however, as organic as it gets - no chemicals, no straightening, no added colours or preservatives; it is a locally-grown single-origin small-batch set.

"I will say though, I have thoroughly enjoyed having this hair for the past ~5 years; I have had many adventures with it. I sincerely hope you do too - I promise I have done my best to make sure it serves you well. There isn't much of it, but I'm working on the next batch already. Just give me a moment, I'll be right with ya ;)

"Yours Truly, Chi :)"
__________

in all seriousness, though - i want to thank everyone who has contributed to this, from the support given to the money raised. even if it was just a dumb joke about "not having something to hold onto anymore", all of it helped me feel absolutely no apprehension at all when docking all my hair. it felt like an incredibly worthwhile pursuit and i'm looking forward to doing it again.

i will say, i mildly resent that i only grew out the hair on the top bits of my head - so for the next iteration, i'm going to make use of more real estate and grow out a disgusting asian mullet. it'll take a little time, but bear with me - there will be mirth and memes :)

i wonder if any kids want to look like david bowie?

signing off,
chi :')

it's today

Saturday 23rd Mar
t-minus 0.

in a slightly more poignant note, i've been rocking plaits for the past 2 months. partially for the practice (come the day of the big chop), but also for a bit of practicality. i must say, i've grown quite attached to my plaits.

it'll feel quite odd, i suppose, to go full-zero-mm bald after this. it'll be a bit of a change - but i'll get used to it quickly. i'm sure the people around me would too. plus, it's not like my hair can't grow back after this :)

i can't really imagine, though, having to lose all of your hair - not by choice, but by sickness. and as a kid? that's real bravery right there. i can only hope the kids are more resilient than we give them credit, but it's a helluvan ordeal.

i don't think there's anything brave about what i'm doing, but going bald in a moment of solidarity with people who don't have that choice? i'm hoping a bit of my empathy will slowly translate closer to sympathy.

i'm a little apprehensive, but i'm looking forward to tonight :)

5 fun things you can do with 90cm of hair

Monday 18th Mar
since we're 5 days out, i thought i'd write a heartfelt letter to the poor sod who's inheriting my objectionable hairstyle (i still don't know how wigs work).

here's 5 fun things you can do with 90cm of hair:

1) tie it up into a topknot. you'll look like a chess piece, so you can pretend to be a bishop of sorts (like harry potter in the first movie!)
2) impersonate pippi longstockings (but to avoid copyright issues, you might have to go by "phillipa lengthypantaloons")
3) call the 90cm segment a metre (re: 11-inch subway footlong) and gaslight people into thinking things are bigger than they actually are. (for you others - stop it, that was supposed to be an innocent sentence.)
4) don't wear it at all. instead, use it as a flail (your enemies will fear you!)
5) apparently human hair is really good at cleaning up oil spills. don't ask me how i know that. no, i have never worked for BP. don't ask me again.

legit though, my hair's pretty robust and hasn't been dyed or anything, so i hope whoever gets it decides to take some creative liberties. glhf with it :)

statistics

Wednesday 13th Mar
with 10 days left before the big chop, here's some dumb statistics if you're interested:

- my hair grows at something like 16mm per month
- the full length would have almost touched 1m, but the ends got really manky so i've docked like 6 or 7cm in total
- plaiting it takes me about 30 minutes
- i can only really hold my arms up for 3 minutes tops
- i simultaneously need more shampoo and less shampoo at the same time
- every time i wash my hair, i lose about 165mg of hair... which doesn't sound like a lot, but since it's long and black (ayy), it looks super intense (ayyyyy)
- 1m of my hair weighs roughly about 5.5mg

i have no idea what to do with this information. not exactly trivia, but call it for fun.

also for fun: here is an impression of the girl who crawls out of TVs from hit 2002 horror film "the ring". you think that's scary, wait until you see my face.

make no mistake, i am not a good person

Monday 4th Mar
ok look

i'm not going to pretend i actively decided to grow this 5 years ago for the purposes of a donation (i'm not that altruistic hahaha) - very honestly, it's closer to neglect.

i'm serious - the real story is that my barber retired, then the lockdowns happened so i ended up cutting my own hair. however, i had no idea on how to cut the top, so i just ended up letting it grow out. about 90cm later... we're here :)

mind you, seems dumb to bin 90cm of pretty solid hair - especially when the opportunity exists to gift someone the chance to look like a total fuccboi. i'd love to think that there will be some lovely post-treatment kid running around with an aggressively overgrown mohawk... or literally just 2 plaits stuck on like antennae. i will also mention i have no idea how wig-making works.

before i go full skinhead, i might leave a little pictorial evidence. this is one of the rare pics which are "work appropriate", from roughly a year ago - braids freshly undone after my sister's wedding, roughly 70cm at this point.

ignore the constipated look. i was probably wondering if you can chop the plait in two to make it 4x 35cm donation lengths...

lol who reads these things

Thursday 29th Feb
if you read this, cyberbully me on instagram at @chiwaikou (idk, tell me i smell like durian or something)

i was hoping to throw up a few photos on the run up to the big chop, but all the ones that i have in my inventory are a little too slutty. i haven't had the chance to tart myself up and take less salacious photos - in lieu of that, please find something i did on MS paint in about 10 seconds.

Thanks for all the support

$316.50

Drew Wiseham

Good cause, let’s see you get a reverse Mohawk next!!

$263.75

Deborah Spencer

Proud of you Chi !!

$263.75

Michael Kee

Great work Chi-Wai!

$263.75

David Jarred

Well Done Chi!!!

$211

Emily And Jacky M&d

What a good cause! We're so proud of you, Chi-Wai!

$158.25

Niro Siriwardena

here's to the end of a sexy hair era, and to the beginning of an even sexier era.

$135.04

Alan Ngo

$135.04

Ciara Collins

$133.12

Shi-ling And Jacob

You'll still always look like an urukhai to me

$105.50

Jana Balachandran

Awesome work mate

$105.50

Scott Bayley

$101

Wynne

加油!! Great work Chi. Can’t wait to see the transformation.

$100

Carlton Brogan

Great effort for a good cause mate. Chop chop. 🤙🏽

$100

Kathy

Rock the braids till the end!

$93

Same 🧠 Brown Skin

Great work, looking forward to aerodynamic look.

$61.19

Tom Pearce

$61.19

Megan Wood

Great cause. Well done Chi

$61.19

Amanda & James

We are proud of you and how much you have already raised! What an amazing effort

$60.32

Phil Du

$59

Ryan Cush

He did it, he really did it

$59

Leo Saito

Congrats on the big chop, mate! Proud of you

$58

Hisham Alameddine

$58

Lisa

Bye to your luscious locks! The new owner will cherish them for sure!

$52.75

Jill

Great work!

$52.75

Kian Voghooee

Please let us give you the 2002 Ronaldo haircut 🙏

$52.75

Rosie Pitt

Bye bye braids 🥲

$52.75

Caitlin

Very proud of you Walter x

$51

David Tian

Happy birthday mate! Hope you have an amazing year and decade!

$50

Lil

You’re a legend

$50

Mia

You will make a very sexy Walter White ❤️❤️

$50

Josh Conlon

$50

Alex

Great cause and Happy Bday Chi!

$50

Lammy

👴 👀

$50

Ani

Happy birthday Chi! Shame to see the hair go but it’s for a great cause!

$50

Ada

Awesome initiative!!

$40

Staphy

Good lord it’s finally going! I don’t even remember you without your man bun :o Fun times!!!

$40

Baz

good on ya bic boi chi :) happy birthday mate!

$40

Tobi Aji

$31.65

Thomas & Arielle

Come on Bazarro, let's make some wigs! Honestly, happy birthday. You are an inspiration. We love you ♡

$31.65

Kushal

$31.65

Abhijeet Krishna

$31.65

Caitlyn Robertson

$31.65

Max Jamieson

From your fellow Fairview Crescent Enjoyers

$31.20

Haydn Chellew

🤟

$30

Michael Read

Chop chop

$30

Willy Wu

ur hair looks like pubes

$30

Jason A

Sad to see those luscious locks go but great to see you doing it for a good cause!

$30

Brielle

Chi so happy to support such an important cause. Big love for your big haircut!

$30

Chi-wai Kou

$26.38

James Boston

Great stuff Chi-Wai!

$26.38

Antony Patterson

$21

Mj

$15.82

Grace Mccormick

Good on you Chi!!! What a great cause 🥰

$10.55

Well Done Chi - Much Love Mate Xx

$10

Freyja Wadlow

Go off king!! 👑❤️